First, send your entries and qualifying scores in yourself.  Approach your swim coach and say “I don’t trust you I’ll save you the time and trouble”.  Always make copies.
		Make sure your divers carry a suit with them on the plane. If the luggage gets lost, your divers will not look good in an old used nylon suit from the Intramural office.
Traveling by plane, you’ll eventually be faced with a canceled flight or a major delay.  Plan ahead. Schedule flights early in the day.  The Department of Transportation reports that the risk of delays increases as the day goes on.
		When you are going to an important meet, you should schedule some extra time between the arrival of your flight and warm-ups.
		If you are on a tight schedule, do the important stuff first, schedule the least critical items last, just in case you don’t get to them before leaving.
	Never sit near small babies or your swim coach.
Always tip the curb side porter if you expect to see your luggage again.
		If your flight is delayed or canceled, find the nearest phone and call your travel agent or the airline to reschedule.  You’ll probably get faster service, and you’ll avoid the long line of other travelers who were bumped.  In addition, your travel agent may be more successful in getting you on an alternate flight.
		Request to be switched to a flight on another carrier.  Airlines are not obligated to do this, but many will if asked.
When changing plans at Dallas-Ft. Worth bring really dark sunglasses and ask if blind people can use the shuttle carts.
Drink plenty of fluids before or during the flight to avoid dehydration, which occurs while flying.
		Go with the flow.  Bring along productive work, or use the time to write an article for USAdiving.com,or read the NCAA rulebook or other good reading.
		Never buy or eat airport food.
		Bring chewing gum.
Bring extra batteries.   If you don't need them, someone on your team will offer to buy them.
When they pour your soda in those little 6oz cups mostly filled with ice, ask for the can, they will usually leave it.  Flight attendants have been known to get 12 serving out of one can.
Put your carry bags in the overhead compartment in the front so you don’t have to drag it thought those small aisles going in or out.
On most planes, your walkman headphones will work for the movie, The plug is just below the official $4. rental socket.(doesn’t work on older planes)
Join AAA – the card pays for itself in hotel discounts.
When you are at a hotel over a weekend, be sure to ask for the weekend rate.
Bring your cell phone and sign up for a comprehensive national service.  Usually, it will be cheaper to use your cell phone when you call home (see below) than calling from the hotel.
And finally, call home often and tell your spouse or significant other what a miserable time you are having and that you wish you were back at home - an attempt at sincerity helps.

Subject: Airline Humor

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. From a Southwest Airlines employee...."There may be 50 ways to leave

your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am

going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you

wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold

outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope

you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for

a ride.

4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National,

a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis,

a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care

when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like

that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

6. From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest

Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into

the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and

if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in

public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,

oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the

mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling

with you, secure your > mask before assisting with theirs. If you are

traveling with two small > children, decide now which one you love

more.

7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,

but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and

remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest

Airlines."

8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an

emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your

belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the

flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."

11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have

some of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately none

of them are on this flight...!

12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a

particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the

Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing,

the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and

Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your

seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane

to the gate!"

13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:

"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to

the terminal."

14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had

hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy

which required the first officer to stand at the door while the

passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ

airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time

looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a

smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little

old lady walking with a cane She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a

question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old

lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant

came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until

Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching

halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the

warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your

way through the wreckage to the terminal.

16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to

thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get

the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal

tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways.